Silence

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The walls around my heart

surround a place never seen.

They drift like icebergs

in the oceans of my mind.

I sit by my window,

a tiny shadow without name.

In the darkness I wait,

playing Solitaire with my loneliness.

The hours begin to drip,

forming droplets on the window’s glass,

running down

and settling in pools at my feet.

Your silence,

the lashes of a whip,

has become a map on my skin.

Lines carved on my back and wrists.

My unsent letters lie crumpled on the floor.

Paper dogs producing offspring,

little paper mongrels

nipping at my heels.

The walls around my heart

have become walls around me,

staring with faces unseen

and mouths that do not speak.

I float around

in the oceans of my mind.

My heart is now a stone

to drown me with its weight.

Silence is not silent.

It leans across the table,

it screams in my face

like a Banshee.

Sadness is not sad.

It flies in through the window,

under darkness’ tender blanket

like a raven.

It is I –

held by Sadness, gagged by Silence,

standing by the window –

mouth saying nothing, eyes seeing nought.

Depression/SAD

I felt I had to say something on the subject.

There are so many people suffering from this as well as related issues. It’s become a huge problem. The worst is the loneliness. Those who don’t suffer from it often find it difficult to understand what it’s like to have to live through this, so we feel alone, even though we’re surrounded by people.

I’ve just suffered a relapse during the turning of the season: no energy, suddenly eating like a crazed lunatic, no inspiration and no interest in anything, crying incessantly for no apparent reason, doubt, self-doubt, fear… The list is endless. I have the ADHD/OCD thing too, urgh!

So I wrote this poem, because the first prompt I got just as my health started to improve, was ‘Silence’. If you’re a sufferer, just remember that you’re not alone!

I’ve made it my mission to fight this condition with all I’ve got. This led me to find out more about improving my lifestyle. Still learning everyday, but it really helps a lot! 

PS. I would love to hear from you! Feel free to share your story.

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Little Children

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What is happening to this world?

Brother against brother we stand.

 

I see a playground

and on it, little children:

brothers and sisters

fighting over a Father’s love.

One Father, many children, one family.

 

I see a playground

and on it, little children:

the bullies and the victims,

fighting over their differences.

Some invited in, others cast out.

 

I see a playground.

On it, just little children:

the popular and the unpopular,

fighting over the right

to be on this playground.

 

Who decided this?

Why?

When?

 

The playground didn’t change much,

nor the rules of the game.

Neither did we.

We are the children of yesterday.

 

I see you, men and women:

Yesterday’s children,

fighting over land that is not yours.

Deciding fates, directing lives

you do not own.

 

Creation –

Humans, animals, plants, water, land.

You are stewards of these, not owners.

Never forget.

 

Beware little children,

for time is a fragile thing,

like wings of a butterfly on the wind.

Do not stray, little children,

for time is a sharp-edged sword.

 

So, play nicely, little children.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Darkness

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In darkness we move.

We pass one another in the night.

The pendulum slowly swings,

The clock slowly ticks,

The sword slowly lifts, readying its strike.

Slowly it moves – a restless predator,

Stalking you, distorted creatures of darkness.

 

The ship will slowly turn from its course.

When the pendulum returns,

When the clock stops,

When the blade falls –

On which side will you be, creature of darkness?

When the destination is changed and the final course plotted,

Will you be present?

 

In this, the soul’s darkest hour,

You will not see it coming,

But come, it will.

In the darkness, time waits.

 

When is the darkest hour of the soul?

If the soul is our will, wants and emotions, our humanity –

Is it when we’ve lost our humanity? Is it when we stop caring? When we carelessly begin to rip each other to shreds? Is it when we sell our soul?

When have we sold our soul?

Is it when we let go of our own free will – our will to live, to resist injustice, to do what is right?

Is it when we relinquish our wants – On the one hand, did we become so saturated, so over-fed on the good life, the easy life, that we “want for nothing”? Or, perhaps on the other hand, some of us have suffered want in some shape or form for such an extended period of time, that we now believe ourselves unworthy of the right to want anything – care, love, even respect?

When have our emotions and our humanity been sacrificed?

Is it when we’ve become so stunted that we cease to feel, to have empathy? Or, is it perhaps when we’ve let our emotions run so freely that we cannot make any room for someone else to exist? In the end we’re left only with the ego.

Perhaps it is all of these. When our humanity and empathy dies, and hope is lost, what are we but distorted creatures of darkness? We can only move away from the darkness when we turn our gaze, hearts and hands to the lost, hurting and rejected. These are the thoughts that increasingly plague me. Like a ship, headed for a destination, I find myself slowly turning. Change can be slow. It is frustrating when one still sits in life’s classroom, being prepared for an unknown purpose. You want to get out there! I only know I cannot sit by and do nothing.

I look around me and I see that our darkest hour is now.